Captain’s log. Stardate 59998.1. We’ve just received our new starship. She’s beautiful too. Not like that uncute tomboy of a fiancée of mine. Anyway, we’ve been blessed with the new Gosnell class ship. Her name? The U.S.S. Sisko. She was named after the Captain that led the Federation to victory in the Dominion Wars.

We’ve also been dispatched on our first mission. As soon as the rest of my crew boards, we will be off to the Finden system, where the Federation colonies have reported a fleet of fighter jet-type ships flying down and literally annoying the hell out of them. Reports say that the ships hover about 10 meters in the air, and just repeat the word ‘NEWS’ over and over again.

Captain Ranma Saotome looks up from the computer he was recording the log entry in. Ranma leans back in his chair, his very comfortable chair. The chair he’s worked his ass off for. Boy, would Akane be pissed. She’s working her way up to Captain as well. But she has a long way to go. She needs to work on controlling her temper.

Ranma remembers a fun incident that happened once with Akane. Well, it was fun for him because he wasn’t involved. It wasn’t fun for the eleven crewmen with severe phaser burns. It turns out that calling Akane’s cooking ‘Klingon crap’ when she was close to the phaser rifle locker was not a smart idea.

Regardless, he was glad he was in a meeting at the time. This had happened when he and Akane were stationed aboard the U.S.S. Minneapolis. He was the XO, and she was chief of security. That thought still made Ranma shudder.

"Captain," A voice behind Ranma said. The voice was from his tactical officer, and Chief of Security, Mousse.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Ranma answered.

"We just received a message from the space dock. They say the last of the crew has boarded."

"Thank you, Mousse." Ranma grinned. He was looking forward to his XO getting to the bridge. Rumor had it she was a hottie. The strange thing about this assignment was that he wasn’t able to pick his officers. An unnamed Admiral had done it. The other strange thing was that he wasn’t given a list of who his officers were.

The turbolift doors opened. The hissing of the doors always startled Ranma. With all the technology of the 24th century, you would think they could make silent hydraulics.

Before Ranma could stand to see who it was, a voice greeted him. A familiar voice. A voice that made Ranma want to run for the nearest airlock.


Ranma turned slowly but was taken down by an over-hyper Amazon girl. Shampoo had Ranma on the floor of the bridge, and she was in no hurry to let him up.

"Sh-Shampoo?" Ranma stuttered. "What - I mean, - What are you doing here?"

Shampoo giggled. "Silly Ranma! Shampoo new XO!"

Oh, Lord. Ranma tried to manage a smile, and get up, but it was somewhat hopeless.

WHOOSH! The turbolift doors again. Another voice bellowed his name. He wasn’t sure whether he was more afraid of Shampoo or this one. His fiancée.

"RANMA!!" Akane screamed. "Maybe I came at the wrong time. I thought maybe we were going to go and, oh I don’t know, WORK?"

"Akane!? This isn’t what it looks like!" Ranma regretted saying that. He has learned in his years that using that line was like throwing Pop Rocks into a soda. Did a hell of a lot more harm than good.

Ranma finally managed to get out from underneath Shampoo. He sat her down in her chair and ran after Akane, who had stormed off into his ready room.

"Akane. Uh - Well, hi?"


"Akane I - Well…"

"Ranma, forget it."

"Um, Ok. Uh, what are you doing here?"

Akane grew a look on her face. It was half ‘what don’t you want me here?’ and ‘don’t you know?’

"I’ve been assigned as the Chief Medical Officer." She said, sitting down on the couch.

Ranma started to laugh until he realized that she was serious.

"CMO? But, you don’t have any medical experience." Ranma slowly sat next to her.

"Don’t you think I know that?" Akane shouted back, somewhat defensively. "Your stupid dad sent me here, and since this is the only position available, well, this is where I am."

Ranma nearly fell over where he heard those two words. "My Dad?"

Akane nodded. "People at Starfleet Command call him Admiral Panda."

Ranma did fall over this time.


"What? Didn’t you know?"

"Obviously not!" Ranma began to pace his ready room. His father was an admiral. And he was responsible for this mess. Not that he was too upset having Akane aboard, but it was the other things. A man, who is nearly blind working his weapons, and her, Shampoo. His XO. For some reason, God wasn’t happy with him this week.



"If you want me to leave -"

"Don’t be stupid, stupid. I need a CMO. And you’re it."

Akane stood up and walked over to Ranma. She then proceeded to flatten him with a semi-large mallet.

"Fine. Just don’t call me stupid." Akane then stormed out of the room. Ranma sighed and sat down on his couch.

Ranma was on his third cup of coffee. He had started to read about the Finden system. Seems they have two Class M planets. It was odd that the ships were only bothering one of them. Maybe the other one had a secret alliance with whoever these people are.

Ranma’s communicator chirped.

"Wo Ai Ni Ranma! Ship ready to go. Just no helmsman!" Shampoo cheerfully reported.

Odd. Ranma stood up and walked out of his ready room, coffee in hand. He walked onto the bridge. He now saw his Ops officer. She stood to greet him.

"Good morning, Captain!" The nearly drop dead beautiful blonde said. "Lt. Commander Mina Aino." The two shook hands.

"Welcome aboard, Commander." Ranma grinned, trying to maintain eye contact. Maybe this would be a good time to find out who, and where his helmsman is.

"Number One - " Ranma started, but was interrupted by ‘Number One’.

"HI-YA! Shampoo number one to Ranma!" Shampoo pounced onto Ranma. Ranma was able to maintain his balance and stay upright this time though. Ranma chose to ignore the growling coming from the tactical station.

"Shampoo. That’s what I call my first officer. Now you need to stop this, or I will assign you to photon torpedo tube cleaning!"

Shampoo almost seemed hurt, but she still managed to hold on to her smile. "Aye Captain. What was you were speaking?"

"Do you know who our helmsman is or where he is?"

"Shampoo no know."

"Does anyone know?"

Meanwhile somewhere in the drive section of the craft –


The computer chirped back. "You are not on Earth. You are on the USS Sisko, which is in orbit above the Earth at 22,102 kilometers."

The bandanna-clad man just groaned. "Ok smartass. Can you show me how to get to the bridge?"

Along the wall of the corridor, several flashing arrows began to point the way. The computer spoke up; to make sure this lost boy would know what to do.

"Follow the arrows. Then take the turbolift to the bridge."

"Uh, thank you."

The man straggled off in the direction of the arrows.


Space. Final frontier. Shampoo XO of starship Sisko. Starship mission: to go where no one go before, to kill Akane Tendo, and to have Ranma all to Shampoo - HEY THAT’S NOT HOW IT GOES! - WO AI NI!!!