Chapter 8 - Visitor

Ranma, as he did every morning, swatted at the alarm clock that did not exist in an attempt to silence the beeping that awoke him, and disturbed, but didn't seem to wake Akane.

“Silence alarm,” he mumbled, pulling the covers back over his head and pulling himself closer to his wife.

He rested his head between her unclothed breasts and sighed contently. Akane moaned slightly as she woke up a bit more from Ranma's 'fondling' of her.

“Morning comes too quickly,” she complained, looking down towards the covered lump that was her husband.

“Mmm,” he replied, closing his eyes as he adjusted himself slightly.

Akane smiled and slid her hand under the blanket, running her hand through his hair as she turned and looked towards the couple's bedroom window. Outside, past the sloping matte-silver hull of the ship, was a dark, twinkling starfield, simply sitting.

“We're stopped,” she acknowledged.

Ranma slowly crawled his way from under the covers, nuzzling Akane as he moved up her body, making a point to kiss her neck, then her lips, before looking towards first the window, then a clock.


“Yeah,” he nodded before turning back to Akane. “We were only about five hours out from the rendezvous point when I went to bed.”

Akane looked up to Ranma, smiling. Ranma leaned back down and kissed her again as she was about to speak. She returned the kiss, her hand exploring the side of his face before he slowly rolled off her and sat up.

Akane sat up as well, watching Ranma starting to get dressed for work.

“Who are we meeting?”

Ranma shrugged. “I don't know. Pop is keeping it a secret.”

Akane stood and walked to her dresser to find a bra. “That's weird.”

“It's scary is what it is,” Ranma said as he pulled on his pants. “He's either got some really good surprise for me, or something I am really going to hate.”

Akane snapped the clasps on the bra together and walked to the closet to find a uniform as Ranma pulled his red command shirt on. “Hopefully, it's something good.”

“Mmm,” Ranma mumbled as he put on his uniform jacket, very much in doubt of anything good coming out of a secret meeting.

Ranma waited for Akane to finish getting dressed before looking at the clock again. “Gosnell has an all you can eat omelet bar today,” he smiled.

Akane rolled her eyes and laughed. “Okay, let's go.”

Ranma smiled, took Akane's hand, and escorted his wife to the lounge where he took full advantage of Gosnell's generous offer.


Ranma walked into his ready room and groaned. He had thought his days of having an admiral usurp his office were over with, but he was proven wrong when he saw Genma speaking to someone on his terminal.

Genma looked up and nodded to his son before returning his attention to the communication. Ranma assumed from the bellowing and squawking coming from the terminal that he was speaking to Happosai.

His assumption was all but confirmed when he noticed Genma cower a little. Despite now being the same rank as the old pervert, Genma still had a slight fear of him.

Genma nodded a couple of times, apologized a couple of times, and bowed slightly before closing the communication. He looked to Ranma who gave him a look letting him know exactly how pathetic his bowing and scraping was.

“What?” Genma asked, despite knowing the answer.

“I can't believe you're still afraid of him,” Ranma grumbled. “And weren't you given access to a sub-space communication system in your quarters?”

Genma scowled. “I look more official in here.”

Ranma laughed and sat down on his couch. “So, what did the old freak want?”

“Well, first off,” Genma sighed, “your mother says hello.”

Ranma smiled.

“Secondly, ADMIRAL Happosai will be here shortly. His ship is the one we're meeting with.”

“Oh no,” Ranma stood and shook his head feverishly; the Sisko's captain turning both a shade of dark red and bright blue simultaneously. “That 'man' is not allowed on my ship.”

“You're saying that as if you have a choice.”

Ranma stared at his father for a moment. “How is he going to get permission? I thought we were a part of Starfleet Intelligence now?”

“He was granted access by the Starfleet Chief of Staff,” Genma explained.

Ranma dropped back down onto his couch and silently swore to himself.

“I swear, if he so much as looks at one of my crew the wrong way, I am throwing him in the brig.”

Genma nodded. “He'll be here in a few hours. In the meantime, we need to move towards the Federation-Klingon border. There is a situation that requires your attention.”


Genma nodded and pointed to his communicator. Ranma sighed and hit his. “Saotome to Shampoo.”

“Go ahead.”

“We need to start heading towards the Klingon border.”

“Aye,” Shampoo responded. “Anywhere in particular?”

Ranma looked to Genma who began to speak loud enough for Shampoo to hear him. “Starbase 1-1-3. Maximum warp.”

“Yes sir,” she replied. The Sisko soon started moving again and was headed for the border. Ranma looked to Genma for further instructions.


“There was some research going on at the Starbase,” Genma explained. “Starfleet Security determined one of the researchers was leaking information to the Klingons and while trying to apprehend him, things went wrong and now he has hostages.”

Genma looked down to the terminal. “As close as the facility is to the border, they're worried that the Klingons are going to fly by, grab him, and fly away, but at the same time he's apparently wearing an explosive vest, so they don't want to just storm the room he's in either and kill everyone.”

Ranma nodded. “What were they researching?”

Genma cleared his throat. “Weapons.”

“Okay then. 1-1-3 isn't more than a day away, so hopefully, the negotiators can keep him distracted till then.”

Genma nodded. “I'll go brief your NEO teams,” he said, standing. “If I'm not back by the time the Admiral arrives, please let me know?”

Ranma glared at his father. “Oh, I will.”

Genma chuckled nervously at Ranma before walking off.


“Sir, the U.S.S.-” Minako paused, looked to her terminal to make sure she was reading things right, then continued. “The... U.S.S. Pantsu... is hailing us.”

Ranma face palmed as Shampoo slowly turned to him. Genma looked up from what he was reading at the science terminal, then looked to Ranma.

“On screen,” Ranma groaned.

The image of a smugly grinning Happosai appeared. “Hello, Ranma. Long time.”

“Not long enough,” Ranma responded. Happosai smirked at Ranma before looking around the Sisko's bridge. His grin widened as he noticed that except for Genma, Ranma and Ikuhara, there were only girls staffing the stations.

Hot ones, no less.

“I will be beaming over there shortly. No need to drop out of warp, however. I know you have someplace to be.”

Ranma nodded.

“Why don't you go to greet me in the transporter room,” he smiled.

Ranma nodded, albeit forced, and stood. “I'll see you in a moment.”

Happosai nodded and closed the channel.

Ranma slowly walked to the turbolift but stopped just shy of it. He turned to Makoto. “Please have a couple of marines,” Ranma paused for a second, “male marines, meet me down there.”

“Yes sir...” she nodded.


Ranma walked into the transporter room with Ryouga and two enlisted Marines. Ranma headed over to the transporter chief and patted him on the shoulder, an unhappy noise escaping him before he spoke to the Senior Chief Petty Officer.

“When our guest beams over, I want for you to hold him in the buffer for a moment.”

The Chief blinked, then nodded. “Yes sir. He's beaming over now.”

Ranma watched the terminal before it beeped. The Chief looked to his captain for further instructions.

“Is he carrying anything?”

The Chief looked to the display and nodded. “Yes sir. Looks to be...” he paused, confusion on his face. “Looks to be a bucket of water.”

Ryouga backed away from the transporter pad as Ranma growled. “Can you rematerialize him without it?”

The Chief nodded, performed some tasks, then completed the transport.

Ranma moved to the pad and smiled at Happosai. Happosai quickly made a motion like he was throwing the non-existent bucket of water on Ranma before pouncing. His eyes narrowed as he noticed he was latched on to a still male Captain Saotome.

“Clever,” Happosai admitted.

Ranma nodded before yanking Happosai off him and tossing him to the deck. Happosai looked to the three Marines before turning back to Ranma.

“You made Ryouga a marine?”

Ryouga began to glow, causing a bit of fright to go through his two subordinates. Ranma nodded to Happosai and pointed towards the door.

“It was a better use of his talents than helm.”

Ryouga looked to Ranma, grinning slightly.

“What are they doing here?” Happosai demanded to know as he walked with Ranma out the door, the three soldiers following close behind.

“Well, someone as important as you needs a security escort,” Ranma said, grabbing Happosai as he started to move towards a female crew member, and leading him towards the turbolift.

“Well,” Happosai nodded, “I am pretty important.”

Ranma guided Happosai into the turbolift.

“NEO OPERATIONS!” Happosai called out.

“I'm sorry,” the computer replied, “but access to that deck is restricted.”

“RANMA!” Happosai bellowed.

“Bridge,” Ranma instructed the lift.

“I WANT TO SEE NEO OPERATIONS!” Happosai complained.

“You heard the lady,” Ranma grumbled as the lift began to move upwards. “Those decks are restricted.”

“I'M AN ADMIRAL!” Happosai yelled.

“Use your indoor voice, please,” Ranma requested. “Besides, there is nothing interesting up there. Just holodecks, offices and an armory.”

Happosai scowled. “But that's where the new commander is.”

The three marines looked to Happosai. Ryouga had given the enlistees a summary of what Happosai was like, but nothing is like seeing it firsthand.

“Sorry,” Ranma said.

Happosai sighed. “Well, that's okay, I can see her at dinner.”

“Dinner?!” Ranma asked.

Happosai nodded as the lift came to a stop. “Your father was nice enough to ask me to stay for dinner.”

Ranma growled as the five walked onto the bridge. Happosai's eyes widened as he looked around. The women were even better looking in person than they were on the viewscreen.

He quickly bounced towards operations, however Ryouga grabbed his collar and pulled him back to them.

“Tell your goon to let me go!” Happosai ordered.

The bridge crew all turned to see what the commotion was. Usagi, though, from her position down at engineering near the fore section of the bridge, could not see Happosai past the tactical station, due to both the terminals, the marines, and Happosai's minuscule stature.

“Where's that admiral?” she asked.

Ryouga held Happosai up for Usagi to see. Usagi backed up, bumping into her terminal. The leer coming from Happosai was that strong.

“Come with me, please,” Ranma requested. Happosai, still firmly in the grasp of Ryouga, complied – albeit against his will.

“SAVE ME, SHAMPOO!!!!” he screamed as he was drug into Ranma's ready room, his arms and legs flailing in every direction at once.

“What the hell?” Makoto asked.

Shampoo looked at Ranma's office door before returning to the captain’s chair. “Don't let guard down around that one,” she cautioned.


Genma rushed over and hugged Happosai tightly.

“Master! Good to see you!”

Happosai rolled his eyes at the faux adulation from the Admiral. “Genma, when will you stop being such an ass-kisser?”

Genma began to cry, but not before Ranma could glare at him.


Genma chuckled nervously. “It's the very least we could do, seeing how he came all this way.”

“Ranma!” Happosai turned around and smirked. “I will expect quarters as big as yours while I am here.”

“Quarters?!” Ranma laughed. “You have your own ship to sleep on.”

“Who said I will be sleeping?” Happosai smugly stated.

Ranma rolled his eyes. “You have your own holodecks as well.”

“INGRATE!” Happosai yelled. He turned to Genma and glared at him. “Make Ranma give me quarters!”

Genma looked to Ranma who was staring at him with a look that made it quite clear that the elder Saotome's life was clearly endangered. Genma again chuckled nervously and turned back to Happosai. “I don't think the Sisko has any spare.”

“Then give me yours!”

Genma stammered.

“You are NOT staying long enough to need quarters,” Ranma growled. “The fact I allowed you to board at all will be enough.”

Happosai snarled at the insubordination coming from Ranma. However, for the time being, he decided to let it slide. There would be plenty of time for him to give Ranma the comeuppance he deserved.

The tiny Admiral began to walk around the ready room, looking at the various medals and plaques that hung the walls. He made various 'impressed' noises at some of the larger, shinier ones, particularly Ranma's Presidential Medal of Honor plaque.

“I see you have done well with your command,” he noted.

Ryouga looked to Ranma. Ranma nodded as he continued to stare at his father with a look that was putting out enough heat to likely propel the Sisko into transwarp again.

“I have,” Ranma paused and corrected himself while still glaring at his father. “We have done quite well.”

“I assumed you would fail,” Happosai admitted, walking around a bit more.  “But I guess you're just lucky.”

“Luck has nothing to do with it,” Ranma said, having grown tired of glaring at his father - who had managed to hide behind Ranma's desk computer - and now grew concerned that he lost track of the lecherous old admiral. Ranma began to look around for where Happosai went as he continued. “I have a good crew who is good at what they do.”

Happosai walked back out of the corridor that went from the ready room to the bathroom. “I suppose. I am surprised that you kept that cook as your chief engineer. After all, you moved him,” he said, pointing to Ryouga.

Ryouga moved forwards a bit but stopped when he saw Ranma motioning for him to relax.

“Ryouga moved himself,” Ranma explained. “He wanted to do something more for Starfleet and the Federation, so I allowed him to.” Ranma turned to Ryouga and smiled a bit. “Quite frankly I am happy he did. He's an excellent marine.”

“How was he as a pilot?” Happosai smirked.

Ranma looked to his old nemesis. “Adequate.”

Ryouga chuckled a bit. Happosai on the other hand laughed boisterously. “Adequate you say?” Happosai moved towards the group. “Anyway, I think – HEY LOOK OVER THERE!”

No one looked as Happosai pointed towards the window.

“Ah, the hell with it,” Happosai grumbled. He took some water he had been keeping hidden behind his back and tossed it on Ranma. Enough of the water also landed on Ryouga, causing him to transform as well.

The two marines, having never seen this happen before, looked on dumbfoundedly as Happosai pounced on their now female captain.

“BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Ryouga-P-chan screamed.

“Oh, how I missed those!” Happosai said, planting his face between Ranma-chan's breasts.

“GET OFF OF ME!” Ranma-chan screamed. Genma looked on both sadly and quite distressed, before quickly sitting back down behind Ranma's desk and typing something up on his terminal.

“NOM NOM NOM!” Happosai giggled as he slithered around and glommed onto Ranma-chan's butt.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE, SHOOT HIM!” Ranma-chan screamed at the still flabbergasted marines.

“BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Ryouga-P-chan squealed as he tried to figure out how his pig body could make his phaser rifle work.

The two remaining humanoid marines quickly found their wits and shot the molester attached to Ranma's ass.

“It was worth it,” Happosai sighed contently before falling to the deck.

The door to Ranma's ready room opened and Makoto and Shampoo came running in, their phasers drawn.

“BWEEEEEEEEEE!” Ryouga-P-chan squealed as he jumped up and down on Happosai's now unconscious body.

Ranma-chan turned to Shampoo. “Hot water, please,” she dryly requested. Shampoo nodded and ran over to Ranma's replicator. The red-headed captain turned to the marines while pointing to Happosai.

“Take him to the transporter room and send him back to his ship.”

“Yes sir – err, ma'am,” one of the marines responded as Shampoo came back and poured water on Ryouga.

“Oh my,” Makoto blinked, looking to the now naked Ryouga.

“Don't stare!” he cried as he quickly began to get dressed.

“It's okay,” Makoto said, a very sly grin coming across her face. “At least now I understand why Minako likes you so much.”

Ryouga turned bright red as he finished zipping up his jacket and dragging the stunned Happosai out of the room. Ranma-chan turned slowly to Makoto, giving her the most disapproving look that she could muster.

Makoto giggled a bit before turning and leaving the room. Ranma-chan looked to Shampoo.

“Where's mine?”

“Ask nicely,” she smiled.

Ranma-chan whimpered. “Please?”

Shampoo grinned as she poured some hot water onto Ranma-chan. Once Ranma was male again, he turned and glared at Genma.

“Thanks for your help,” he sarcastically stated.

“Boy, I've helped you more than you know.”

Ranma eyed his father suspiciously. “Oh?”

“In a few hours, the Pantsu will get a message saying they urgently need him back at Sol.”

Ranma sighed. “A few hours...”

“There is still dinner.”


Genma grumbled. “Look, if he doesn't meet Jitsia, he will come back again and again and again till he does.”

“Why pervert so interested in her?” Shampoo asked.

“Yeah, why?” Ranma also asked.

Genma adjusted his collar a bit. “He asked me to describe her.”

Both Ranma and Shampoo narrowed their gazes at Genma. “Is that why you called Mom?” Ranma asked. “Feeling guilty?”

“Boy, don't push me,” Genma growled.

“Hibiki to Saotome!” Ryouga’s very distraught voice called out over Ranma's communicator.


“The freak got away from us!”

Ranma sighed. “Goddammit, Ryouga.”

“You know how crafty he is, Ranma.”

“Yes, yes. Find him. I am sending people to help you.”

“Aye,” Ryouga replied, closing the channel. Genma looked to Ranma, apologetically.

“He's not going to harm anything,” Genma sighed.

“No,” Ranma said, growling and walking to his door. “He's just going to molest a third of my crew.”

Ranma's door opened as Genma dropped back down into the chair behind Ranma's desk, rubbing his head, a thousand headaches seeming to form all at once.

“Commander!” Ranma barked at Makoto.

Makoto turned to him. “Yes sir?”

“Admiral Happosai is loose on the ship. I want EVERYONE you have available looking for him.”

“Everyone?” she asked.

“Yes. Everyone.” Ranma hit his communicator as Makoto began to bark orders into her terminal. “Saotome to Hino.”

“Yes sir?” Rei asked.

“This might sound strange, but Admiral Happosai is running around the ship. Get your people down here and help look for him. He needs to be detained and brought to transporter room one.”

There was about a ten-second pause before Rei replied. “Yes sir.”

Ranma looked to Shampoo. “Overkill?”

Shampoo shook her head feverishly. “Not for old man.”

Ranma and Shampoo walked out, leaving Genma alone.


“Movement Restriction Protocols are in effect,” the intercom bellowed as Kio, Anthony, and Ian stepped out of the turbolift and onto deck five. “All non-security female crew members are to either return to their quarters or if your progress is blocked, abandon ship,” it continued.

Kio blinked and looked at her teammates. Anthony could only look towards the comm panel with a befuddled look on his face.

“What are we doing again?” Ian asked.

Kio looked down the dimly lit hallway, most of the light coming from the red alert lights along the sides of the corridor. Running in their general direction was a female Petty Officer. She seemed rather distraught, however, she had yet to catch Kio, Anthony, or Ian's attention yet.

“They said we're supposed to help catch Admiral Happosai,” Kio responded to Ian.

“Okay...” Anthony said, utterly confused.

“Yeah,” Kio shrugged. “I don't really know what's going-” Kio is cut off by the young Petty Officer shoving both her and Anthony out of her way and grabbing Ian so that she could hide behind him.

“HELP ME!” she cried.

Kio raised her weapon as she grumpily looked to the enlistee. “What's wrong?”

“A monster!” the Petty Officer whimpered. “He... It... Came out of nowhere and...”

“Do you need medical treatment?” Ian asked.

She shook her head as she whimpered.

“Where is it?” Kio asked.

“The lounge,” the Petty Officer replied.

Anthony nodded and moved towards a door. He overrode the security lock on it and motioned for the others.

“I don't know whose quarters these are, but stay in here till we secure this deck,” he instructed the young lady.

She nodded and closed and locked the door. Kio and her group began to move towards the lounge. “Yuki to bridge,” Kio called, hitting her comm badge.

“Go,” Makoto's voice replied.

“We just got a report of a 'monster' in the lounge. We're going to divert from our search for the Admiral-”

“That is the Admiral,” Ranma interrupted, groaning. “Be careful, Lieutenant. We'll send you back up.”

Kio looked to Anthony. “Aye.”

The trio quickly moved down the hallway. “Hino to Yuki,” Kio's communicator called out. “We'll be there in a couple of minutes. Don't go in without us.”

“Okay,” Kio replied as the three reached the doors of the lounge. Kio looked in through the window and scoffed. “I see Gosnell and what I assume is the Admiral.”

Anthony leaned over Kio and looked. “Him? That guy has got to be 200 years old.”

Kio groaned. “To hell with waiting, we can grab him.”

“Eh, there's probably a reason why every security officer on this ship is looking for him, Lieutenant,” Ian cautioned. “I don't know if we should take him lightly.”

Kio chuckled. “You scared of a little old man, Corporal?”

Ian rolled his eyes as Anthony smirked.

“Let's move.”


Gosnell laughed. “I'm surprised you could fit that many bras into a single shuttlecraft.”

“Well, my boy,” Happosai beamed as he gulped down another glass of sake, “this was no ordinary shuttlecraft. “You see, I stole it from-” Happosai paused and allowed his eyes to move towards the starboard side doors.

“What?” Gosnell asked.

“Five-Oh,” he smirked. “Gotta go!”

“Five what?”

The doors to the lounge slid open and Kio's team rushed in. Happosai grinned and hopped up, dodging the incoming fire. Gosnell screamed as he dove underneath the bar, glass bottles exploding behind him.

“CAN'T HIT ME! TOO SLOW!” Happosai taunted as he bounced from table to table, expertly dodging Bravo team's shots.

“The hell?” Anthony asked.

“WHEEEE!” Happosai screamed as he jumped and landed on Kio.

“GET OFF OF ME!” Kio yelled, trying to pry the Admiral off her.

“Hrm, B-cups, not too bad. Overall measurements leave a little to be desired, but every woman is a work of art in her own way,” he sighed contently, zipping around her body, avoiding her swings and grabs by Anthony and Ian; laughing as Kio's defensive moves ended up hitting her friends on occasion.

“Oh, now this is nice,” Happosai continued as he attached himself to Kio's buttocks. “Perfect hips and a toned backside. It's a shame you cover this delicious body with all this body armor and equipment.”

The lounge doors slid open again and Rei's team moved in.

“Interlopers!” Happosai complained. “Well, I'm off!” The perverted Admiral quickly zipped off Kio, bounced off Rei's head, and bolted down the hallway, carrying a bag that no one seemed to see him grab.

“WHAT A HAUL!!!!” he cackled as he ran off.

Rei's team began to chase after him. Kio simply dropped to her knees. Ian turned to Kio, as did Anthony.

“Go,” Anthony ordered Ian. “We'll catch up.”

“HAPPO FIRE BURST!” was heard from down the corridor just before an explosion.

Ian reluctantly nodded and ran to catch up with Rei. Anthony squatted down next to Kio and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

“I... I don't know how he did it.”

“Ian was right,” Anthony sighed, turning, and looking towards the doors. “We underestimated him.”

Kio looked up to Anthony and shook her head slowly. “Not that...”

“Then what?”

Kio slowly tugged on the collar of her jumpsuit, showing Anthony that it was zipped nearly to the top.

“He stole my underwear.”

Anthony nearly fell over.


Kio slowly stood and strapped her rifle to her back. She turned to Anthony as she slowly walked out of the lounge.

“I need to...” she bit her lip, “…fix this. I'll catch up with you.”

Anthony nodded slowly as he watched Kio walk out.

Gosnell slowly stood and watched Anthony run out of the lounge to catch up with Rei and the rest of the group before looking around. Several of the chairs and tables were knocked over, multiple bottles that, while were simply decorations, were shattered, and worst of all, the place was empty.

He groaned, pulled out some gasoline, and began to spread it around the lounge.

“Never thought I'd have to do this again,” he sighed.


“WHAT?” Ranma yelled, sending Makoto backward a meter.

Makoto whimpered slightly, causing Ranma to shake his head.

“I'm sorry,” he apologized. “Do we know where he is now?”

Makoto looked to her terminal. “They were pursuing him on deck five, but lost track of him after he managed to set off the fire suppression system.” She hit some buttons before continuing. “He was then spotted in sickbay, was confronted by assault team one, but they ended up just shooting most of assault team two, and...”

Makoto sighed as Ranma stomped off, and towards his chair. However, before he sat down he looked to Shampoo.

“Ranma?” she asked.

“I need to deal with this myself,” he said.

Shampoo nodded to Ranma, understanding that he was both a warrior and a captain. She knew that while his ship and his crew were in trouble that he could not just sit idly by and do nothing.

Shampoo lovingly patted Ranma on the shoulder before going to the bridge's replicator.

“Water, two-degree,” she ordered.

The replicator made the water. She picked it up and looked at Ranma. Ranma gave Shampoo a reassuring nod before Shampoo poured it on him, changing him into Ranma-chan.

“Good luck,” Shampoo smiled.

Ranma-chan smiled back. “If you don't hear back from me in an hour, beam every humanoid on this ship into a brig cell. Will sort things out from there.”

Shampoo nodded.

Ranma moved towards one of the aft turbolifts. Makoto looked at her.

“I should go with you,” Makoto stated.

Ranma-chan shook her head.

“No, there is really only one person that is going to be able to help me trap that freak.”


Happosai bounded down section thirty-one on deck sixteen of the U.S.S. Benjamin L. Sisko. So far, he'd obtained quite a bit more panties and bras than he'd expected to.

In fact, the whole exercise had been far too easy for him. Considering that this crew was allegedly Starfleet's cream of the crop, they were amazingly easy to outwit and defeat.

If he at all cared about being fair, he would think it wasn't fair at all and give them some kind of handicap.

However, the way he looked at it, they had home-field advantage, so technically he should be the one with the bonus.

 “Where is the laundry on this damned ship?” Happosai asked himself, as he checked a couple of the door placards. He looked around a bit more before grumbling in frustration.


“Invalid inquiry,” the computer replied.

“No, it's not!” Happosai grumbled. He zipped around a bit more before asking again. “Computer! Where do female crew members go to clean their uniforms?”

“Uniforms are replicated on an as-needed basis,” the computer informed him.

“WHAT?!” Happosai squawked. “PANTIES AND BRAS TOO?!”

“Invalid inquiry.”

Happosai sighed. “Are undergarments replicated on an 'as-needed' basis as well?”

“Affirmative,” the computer asked.

Happosai sighed. His bag of stolen loot meaning quite a bit less to him now that he knew that – almost – all of it had never been worn before.

“Well, that's just-” Happosai slammed to a stop. He was not sure, but his pervert sense could swear that he just heard a girl giggling. That could not be possible, though. The ship, thanks to that killjoy Ranma, was under a girls-only intruder alert, and all the women were confined to their rooms.

Happosai spun around. Now he was certain he heard it, as well as some splashing. Splashing certainly did not make any sense, but he was intrigued nonetheless.

He decided to follow the sounds down a couple of darkened corridors to where he found a set of large double doors. Outside of these doors, he found...

“OH, MY STARS AND GARTERS!” he screeched.

There was a pair of red late twentieth-century era bloomers and a white 'gym' shirt, lying by the door, as well as a towel, neatly folded. Happosai quickly scooped up the clothes and took in a deep breath.

“Ooooooooooooooooo...” he moaned. “The scent of a woman,” he said, sighing happily. He looked up to the doors, wondering what could possibly be in there that would allow this to be sitting outside.


“Pool?” Happosai asked. “That moron has a pool on his ship?” Happosai looked around as he heard footsteps. He quickly darted into the darkness and hid. His eyes watched as Jitsia came walking down the hall, dressed in simply a robe; what was underneath left to Happosai's imagination. She walked up to the door and hit a button, opening them.

The young blonde stepped in, undoing the bands that held her pigtails back as she walked. Past her, Happosai could see little; the exception being another girl with exceptionally long, red hair frolicking in the water. The redhead began to turn to Jitsia, but before Happosai could see her face, the doors closed.

Happosai could not take this. Not only was it a crime that the ingrate had a pool, but that he had a harem of beautiful women cavorting in it, even while his ship was at red alert!

The least Happosai could do was show those girls how a true leader behaves.

Happosai quickly pulled out his bath toys that he apparently had in his panty bag and ripped off his Starfleet uniform, under which he was conveniently wearing his bathing suit.

He bounced across the corridor and opened the doors.

“ADMIRAL ON DECK!” he beamed.

The redhead giggled as she ducked under the water. Happosai looked around, confused.

“Where’s...” he looked some more. “Where'd the blonde girl go?”

“Jitsia?” the redhead asked as she raised slightly out of the water, allowing the edge of the pool to show no more than the top of her cleavage. She pulled out a phaser rifle as water dripped from her. The young lady allowed a grin to slide across her face as she brushed away her dripping red hair, revealing her identity to be Ranma-chan.

Happosai scoffed. “I knew it was a trap.” He then smirked while shaking his head in disappointment. “You should know that you in a bathing suit is hardly a deterrent for me.” The admiral jumped towards Ranma-chan but came to a hard stop in mid-air as he slammed into a force field. Ranma-chan giggled as Happosai slid down it, right into a concealed phase mine, which exploded, sending him flying into the back wall.

“RA...RA...RANMA!!!!” Happosai screamed, slowly standing; his battle aura beginning to glow brightly – all sense of playfulness in this battle having been blown away by the phase mine. “YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!”

Happosai again charged at Ranma-chan, seemingly not caring that the force field was still active. The ingrate would pay for this, even if she did look really, really, hot right now.

Ranma-chan smirked and pulled herself out of the water, revealing to Happosai that she was topless. Happosai's pervert side overrode his vengeful side and his battle aura died out instantly. His 'attack' dive morphed into a 'glomp' dive. He barreled full speed at Ranma-chan again, but again slammed into the force-field and again, slid down onto a mine, sending him into the wall.

Jitsia, who was hidden and ready to snipe Happosai if their plan had gone awry, walked over to the now unconscious Admiral as Ranma-chan lowered the force field and moved to Happosai herself.

“Better shoot him a couple of times to be safe,” Ranma-chan said, scowling at the unconscious old lecher.

Jitsia nodded and shot Happosai twice before Ranma-chan tied him up with rope, then applied a generous amount of duct tape. She then turned to Jitsia.

“Thank you for your help.”

Jitsia nodded, doing everything in her power not to look at her female captain's chest. “For the time being, this is my ship, and I will do what I can to protect her.”

Ranma-chan smiled and patted her on the shoulder. “I appreciate you not being weird about the whole 'curse' thing either.”

“Your father had an...” Jitsia smiled, “...incident when we were talking on Cardassia. Gave me a firsthand demonstration.”

Ranma-chan laughed before noticing Jitsia squirming a bit. “Are you okay?”

Jitsia grinned, poked Happosai with her foot, and nodded. “Yes, yes... It's just... Um...”

Ranma-chan cocked her head a bit. “Just...”

Jitsia pointed towards her chest.

Ranma-chan blinked. “Oh. Right.” She quickly went and found a robe to put on. “Sorry. I usually don't end up changing on board. Not often do I get wet. Tend to forget to be 'a girl' about not having a shirt on.”

Jitsia bit a bottom lip. “Seems like those things would be hard to forget about,” she quietly mumbled to herself.

“Hmm?” Ranma-chan asked from a few meters away.

“What are we doing with him?” Jitsia asked, again poking the still stunned Happosai with her foot.

“He's going back to his ship for now,” Ranma-chan said, walking back over to Jitsia. “Unfortunately, he HAS to come back for a dinner in your honor later.”

Jitsia shook her head. “I'm really not that important.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts, Commander,” Ranma-chan smiled, tossed Happosai into a crate, which she sealed with a biometric lock. She picked up the crate and headed towards the doorway. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

Jitsia nodded and followed Ranma-chan out the door.