Akane sat back in her office chair. She loved this chair. It was so big and comfy. Much better than any other chair. When they designed these new ships they took into account comfort that was for sure.
Akane took a sip of her coffee. She never really drank coffee until she started getting supervisor positions. Seems that if you are a supervisor, coffee is a requirement. That and cigarettes. The only problem with cigarettes is that it's hard to find a place on the ship that you can smoke without setting off some kind of alarm. Either a fire alarm or a smoke alarm. The redundancy of that made Akane's head hurt. Obviously, if there is smoke there is fire and vice versa. Why have two separate alarms for people to monitor?
Luckily she figured out a trick. All she had to do was call security and tell them that she was running an open flame experiment and they would shut down the alarm sensors for sickbay. Being in charge had its perks.
"God, now that I am thinking about them, I am going to have to have one!" She complained to herself. She pulled out her pack of Camel Turkish Gold and made the call to security. She then lit one up, using her plasma torch she stole from engineering, took a big drag, leaned back and –
HISS. The doors to sickbay shot open and scared her. She fell back on her butt.
"Akane?" Ranma called.
"Yeah – yeah I'm in here." Akane shot back, quickly putting her cigarette out in her petri dish ashtray.
Ranma walks into Akane's office. He looks around and takes a sniff.
"I thought you quit?"
"Akane, you can't fool me. Give them here."
Akane pulls the pack out of her pocket and tosses it to Ranma.
"How'd you get a uniform with pockets?" Ranma complained.
Akane ignored that comment. You have to be special to get pockets. "You know Ranma," Akane grinned. "I think if you can make out with girls on the floor of 10-Forward, I think I should be able to smoke."
"Now just a—" Ranma cuts himself off. Did Akane just make a joke? Ranma starts to laugh. "That was funny and fair."
Ranma tosses the cigarettes back to Akane. "The thing in 10-Forward probably won't happen again."
Akane laughs. "Yes, it will. You're a pervert!" Akane winds up and POW! Right out the door, Ranma flies.
Ranma sits up. No matter what I do, I can't seem to make her happy. Maybe I should just tell her I want to cancel the engagement. I mean, I'm a starship captain. I shouldn't have my CMO hitting me and stuff. It's pretty obvious that it was never meant to be.
"It's determined then. Assuming we survive." Ranma nods to himself. Ranma pauses. He shakes his head and walks on. She can't be it, can she?
Aboard the dark, gray cube-shaped Kuno ship, Principal Kuno paces the corridors. His mind was full of thoughts. Not just his, but of course the rest of the Kuno collective. It was driving him nuts.
First, there were the thoughts of Tatewaki. He wanted to beat that boy. All he thought about constantly was himself, Akane Tendo, and the Pig-Tailed Girl. The principal even found himself waking up in the middle of the night screaming 'I SHALL DATE WITH YOU!' Nothing will scare a drone more than shouting that as he's walking by.
Next, there was Kodachi. She was a twisted, twisted girl. The only dreams she ever had were dreams of her and Ranma Saotome – well, being friendly. Principal Kuno wanted to hurl. But it did raise a question, but seeing Ranma naked to verify probably wouldn't happen.
Then there is George Kuno. He was adopted. It was painfully obvious of that too. For one he was sane. Well, sort of. For two, he was black. He was very smart and very, very evil. So evil that he almost scared the Principal. And that was hard to do, considering he was considered the quadrant's second evilest being. Only the Rosie O'Donnell clone was eviler, according to Neilson Evil Research.
"Dad?" The principal turned around. It was George.
"When we catch the Starfleet ship, can I keep Shampoo's eyes? They are very pretty. I'd like to put them on my desk with my beanie babies."
Principal Kuno shuddered a little. "Sure son. Whatever you'd like. But that means you will have to capture her before we destroy the ship. And where, may I ask, did you get a desk?"
"I will do that, father. I will make you proud of me. And I built it myself with the spare parts I found in the assimilation repository." George walked off and starts laughing like a mad man. The principal walks over to his chair and takes a seat. That's weird. The only thing in that repository is leftover body parts. What could he have made the desk – Oh my."
Suddenly black rose petals filled the hallway. The principal groaned to himself.
"Greetings father! I, Kodachi Kuno, the black rose of the Alpha Quadrant, say good morning to you!" Kodachi spins around a few times and sits next to her father.
"Hi, Kodachi." The principal grumbles.
"So when we get to them we are going to beam Ranma over here to me and then blow up the ship with the wretched Akane Tendo?"
"Sure." The principal said, somewhat unenthusiastically. He could remember when he used to enjoy blowing up ships and their crews, but lately, it's seemed more like a job than it did fun. Seems to have started after he brought his family into it.
"DESTROY NOT AKANE TENDO OR THE PIG TAILED GIRL!" Tatewaki screamed from the other side of the room. The minute he heard the thought of Akane or The Pig-Tailed Girl being destroyed he leaped from his regeneration chamber and ran as fast as he could up to where his sister was. Bokken in hand, he is ready to fight his sister for the life of Akane and Female Ranma.
"Brother dearest, if you think that you can defeat me, you are SADLY mistaken." Kodachi grinned.
"Now now – my kiki shouldn't fight like this. We all need to be bruddahs and sistas in this endeavor. If we fight we cannot take ova the galaxy!" Principal Kuno got up and stepped between the two.
Kuno lowered his bokken and Kodachi her rhythmic gymnastic tools. Principal Kuno smiles and sits back down. Kuno walks past his sister, but as he does he lays in a few passing words.
"Akane Tendo and the Pig-Tailed Girl will not be touched."
Kodachi just grins. "Neither will my love Ranma."
The two laugh maniacally and walk off. The Principal can just sit. Sit and cry.
The area where Ranma was pacing could easily be seen in the rug. It looked as if he had been pacing for years, but it had only been about 20 minutes. He was very worried. The Kuno ship will overtake them in a little over three hours, and when they did it would not be pretty.
Engineering had gotten the ship up to Warp 9.77, but the Kuno ship had increased to 9.95. Even if they could get the ship to 9.95, the Kuno's could maintain that speed for a longer amount of time, and therefore still overtake them.
Ranma had a plan though. Sort of. If we get to a place where we would have a tactical advantage, then we will be okay. Maybe. But then again something always comes up and disrupts my plans.
"Ranma?" Shampoo was starting to worry about Ranma. He had been pacing ever since he got back from sickbay. "Ranma okay?"
Ranma stops and looks at Shampoo. "Yeah – I am okay. Just worried you know."
"Ranma have nothing to worry about. Shampoo here." Shampoo smiled big when she said that.
"No, I guess that does make it all better." Ranma slumped down into his seat. As he slumped down farther, Ranma closed his eyes. He remembers when life was so easy. He was just a lowly ensign on a transport ship. At first, he didn't like the idea of taking orders from people, but he soon realized that it had its benefits.
When you take orders your responsibility level plummets. If anything ever went wrong all he had to do was say 'I was just following orders'. That fixed just about any problem. It could also be a nasty catch 22 as well. If all you did was follow orders and never do anything on your own, you will never go anywhere. Ranma had the nice quality of being able to do both. This had helped him hit Captain so fast. How his father got to be an admiral was beyond him though.
"Captain?" Mousse peeped.
"We are being hailed by Ambassador Soun Tendo."
Ambassador? Good grief, what has happened to the galaxy?
"Put it on screen."
The viewscreen blinked to life and Soun Tendo appeared.
"RANMA!!!!!!!!" Soun bellowed.
What could I have possibly done now?
"Ranma! Please come and rescue us!" Soun continued.
"Rescue you? What's the problem?"
"PIRATES!" Soun screamed and then began running around in circles on the view screen.
"Pirates? Which pirates? The Ferengi? The Pirates of the Caribbean? The Pittsburgh Pirates?"
"SPACE PIRATES!!!!!!!!" Soun began to bawl now.
Ranma looked to Shampoo who just shrugged. Mina turned around. "Sir, I have heard that a group calling themselves 'Space Pirates' have been attacking small colonies and taking their beer."
"Ambassador Tendo – where are you at right now?" Ranma asked.
"I'm in the basement hiding."
Shampoo almost giggles, but a stern look from Ranma stops her.
"What planet are you on?"
"Okay – We will head that way and assist." Ranma signals for Mousse to kill the link.
"What about Kunos?" Shampoo asks.
"We will deal with them later. Right now we have to go and take care of these pirates."
Shampoo nods and stands up. "Ryouga! Change course 4-4-4 mark 1-6! Current speed! ENGAGE!"
Ryouga, who is still sitting a little awkwardly, obliges. The ship slams to a stop. Everyone on the bridge goes flying forward.
Ryouga's eyes get wide. "Whoops."
Shampoo manages to scrape herself off the viewscreen. She then walks up to Ryouga with a small hammer and smacks him in the head. "WHOOPS?"
"OW! Sorry yeah just hit the emergency stop button instead of the engage button."
Raye looks to Mina. "And he couldn't figure that out in space dock?" Mina simply floats a shrug.
"How you do that stupid?" Shampoo bellowed.
"Don't call me stupid. It's a simple mistake. They start with the same letter."
Shampoo tosses the hammer and goes for her phaser. Ranma runs over and grabs her arm and drags her back to her seat.